Coldness in the Morning

In the midst of working on my first book, I've withdrawn a bit from sharing more personal writing/work online and especially social media (for the time being that is). I suppose I’ve found this desire to keep some of my work to be seen for the first time in print, rather than a screen. That being said, I've thought to do a little reflection journal post every once in a while. I wrote these words back in December, and I randomly found the prettiest darn song I've ever heard on spotify last week (link: Mantlepiece by Lemoncello) that inspired this little set of photographs captured throughout these winter months.

i’m sitting in the corner of a room a little too big for me

in a city that often feels far too small

and I don’t know where to put my love


there’s a restlessness

in wanting to share my heart

right here and now


right here and now

winter keeps me behind walls

i’m not brave enough for the cold today


so i sit with myself

in this restlessness

and talk to God


as loneliness becomes solitude

solitude lends itself to rest

and rest brings strength


to keep my heart soft

when it could be hardened

by the places it has been


those places

brought me back here

to sit with myself a while longer


soon enough winter will be a distant memory

and there are seeds beneath my own soil

waiting to bloom.

Lemoncello // spotify

The Stirring

It’s the stirring - when I know there is something in me. It’s the beginning of an idea. It’s scattered phrases in my head I know are part of a poem not yet fully realized. It’s hints of light that hold the shadow of a picture not yet fully imagined. It’s a melody I hum in the car and just hope I don’t forget before I can get my hands on that guitar I can barely play. That is my favourite place to be - at the very beginning.

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Staying but not Stuck

Written on September 18th, 2018 // I was meant to be on a plane today. Instead, I unpacked my suitcase on a borrowed floor, bought some donuts for my little sister to celebrate her 11th birthday, and then drove to Grand Lake with my journal and guitar. Today, I sat with myself for a very long time. I was meant to wake up in Norway tomorrow, and every day for the next three months. I had been planning and preparing for this new adventure all summer, but 72 hours before my flights were to take off, everything changed.

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Unsettle Me

Written April 2nd, 2018 // I have been thinking a whole lot lately about the fact that I would have almost had a degree by now. I should have been studying for my final exams of a bachelor's degree. Had I chosen the path I always imagined myself to take. 

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I Don't Want A Lonely Life

Written October 18th, 2017 // It took living in a van with another human, travelling across the continent together, spending less than a total of 14 hours apart in the entire 87 days we were on the road to break that in me. In the van, "alone time" was not a thing. I couldn't say, "I need space" while we were driving 300 km through the deserts of Arizona. To be honest, the introvert in me was screaming. It wasn't easy. I wasn't easy. (God bless Morgan). 

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Skeleton: My Story

Written February 6th, 2018 // I wish I could go back and craddle that strawberry-blonde haired, bright-eyed, freckly-faced girl in my arms and champion her until she felt strong enough to tear apart the lies before they tore her apart. 

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I'm Building a House

Written January 8th, 2018 // It was the year that began with the greatest adventure of my life and ended with quieter days back in the little city I once desperately wanted to leave. The year I lived in a van on the west coast and then in an old heritage home on the east coast. The year I had to run away just so I could return. The year I had to throw my hands over my head and say "I'm done" only to realize that I never actually want to be. The year I learned to love people better out of loving people poorly. The year that left me humbled and hidden. 

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