Coldness in the Morning


In the midst of working on my first book, I've withdrawn a bit from sharing more personal writing/work online and especially social media (for the time being that is). I suppose I’ve found this desire to keep some of my work to be seen for the first time in print, rather than a screen. That being said, I've thought to do a little reflection journal post every once in a while. I wrote these words back in December, and I randomly found the prettiest darn song I've ever heard on spotify last week (link: Mantlepiece by Lemoncello) that inspired this little set of photographs captured throughout these winter months.



i’m sitting in the corner of a room a little too big for me

in a city that often feels far too small

and I don’t know where to put my love

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there’s a restlessness

in wanting to share my heart

right here and now

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right here and now

winter keeps me behind walls

i’m not brave enough for the cold today

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so i sit with myself

in this restlessness

and talk to God

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as loneliness becomes solitude

solitude lends itself to rest

and rest brings strength

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to keep my heart soft

when it could be hardened

by the places it has been

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those places

brought me back here

to sit with myself a while longer

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soon enough winter will be a distant memory

and there are seeds beneath my own soil

waiting to bloom.

Lemoncello // spotify

The Stirring

It’s the stirring - when I know there is something in me. It’s the beginning of an idea. It’s scattered phrases in my head I know are part of a poem not yet fully realized. It’s hints of light that hold the shadow of a picture not yet fully imagined. It’s a melody I hum in the car and just hope I don’t forget before I can get my hands on that guitar I can barely play. That is my favourite place to be - at the very beginning.

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Staying but not Stuck

Written on September 18th, 2018 // I was meant to be on a plane today. Instead, I unpacked my suitcase on a borrowed floor, bought some donuts for my little sister to celebrate her 11th birthday, and then drove to Grand Lake with my journal and guitar. Today, I sat with myself for a very long time. I was meant to wake up in Norway tomorrow, and every day for the next three months. I had been planning and preparing for this new adventure all summer, but 72 hours before my flights were to take off, everything changed.

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Unsettle Me

Written April 2nd, 2018 // I have been thinking a whole lot lately about the fact that I would have almost had a degree by now. I should have been studying for my final exams of a bachelor's degree. Had I chosen the path I always imagined myself to take. 

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I Don't Want A Lonely Life

Written October 18th, 2017 // It took living in a van with another human, travelling across the continent together, spending less than a total of 14 hours apart in the entire 87 days we were on the road to break that in me. In the van, "alone time" was not a thing. I couldn't say, "I need space" while we were driving 300 km through the deserts of Arizona. To be honest, the introvert in me was screaming. It wasn't easy. I wasn't easy. (God bless Morgan). 

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Skeleton: My Story

Written February 6th, 2018 // I wish I could go back and craddle that strawberry-blonde haired, bright-eyed, freckly-faced girl in my arms and champion her until she felt strong enough to tear apart the lies before they tore her apart. 

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I'm Building a House

Written January 8th, 2018 // It was the year that began with the greatest adventure of my life and ended with quieter days back in the little city I once desperately wanted to leave. The year I lived in a van on the west coast and then in an old heritage home on the east coast. The year I had to run away just so I could return. The year I had to throw my hands over my head and say "I'm done" only to realize that I never actually want to be. The year I learned to love people better out of loving people poorly. The year that left me humbled and hidden. 

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